Cry for a New Mascot

I was contemplating the mascot of my current college.

Thor, the viking.

From "The Mascot Riding the Line"

Whose idea was this?!?

And, of course, there are the colors. Blue and gray. Our nickname? The Vikings.

My thoughts are this: If they are considering booting the big-lipped buffoon, why not bring in a mascot that will truly unite the students?

Blackbeard.

Our colors, of course, would be black-with a hint of red. We would be called "The Pirates."

Just to be sure, however, I've prepared a list of questions to assess which mascot would be a better fit.

Question 1: Is the mascot in "Blackbeard the Musical?"

Thor: No
Blackbeard: Yes

Question 2: Does the mascot have some sort of frightening body feature?

Thor: "Don't look at my lips, please."
Blackbeard: "I can set my beard on fire."

Question 3: Is the name of the mascot's boat "Queen Anne's Revenge?"

Thor: No
Blackbeard: Yes

Question 4: Would the students feel a kinship with the mascot?

Thor: Studies show that many students do not know of his existence
Blackbeard: It is nearly impossible to not feel immediate loyalty to Blackbeard, unless he abducts your fiance.

Question 5: Which would be better for the 25-and-older lonely and singles: "Single Vikings" or "Single Pirates?"

Thor: "Single Vikings." This says: You don't need to dress up or anything; come in your pajamas and snow boots. We don't care if you get married.
Blackbeard: "Single Pirates!" For, as Mr. Bonnet suggests, "You must dress your very best if you want to be a pirate." Well-dressed is what BYU-Idaho is about. "Single Pirates" is much more in line with BYU-Idaho's goals.

I think it's readily apparent which mascot would better "re-think" education. Thor is over. Blackbeard has just begun.